Kyle Schwarber Free Agency Sweepstakes: Reds Continue Their Delusional Homecoming Fantasy

Kyle Schwarber needs to come back home, and I'm tired of reading about Kyle to the Reds. Who do the Reds think they are? I don't care if Kyle grew up outside of Cincy. The Reds acting like they’re entitled to our guy just because of a ZIP code pisses me off. In case you have forgotten their pathetic courtship tour last August, I haven't. When the Phils visited the Reds this past August, the Reds didn't just flirt with Kyle, they practically tried to run off with our senior prom date right in front of our eyes. All the pregame baloney felt like sitting at the cafeteria table with the Reds brass as they slipped a folded note to Kyle saying, "Hey do you like me? Yes or No."

 After the Reds gave Schwarber the first pitch, as if he was proudly one of theirs for the last decade, the only thing missing was a briefcase stuffed with cash with a key to the city inside. I had never seen anything like it and it should still piss off every Phillies fan. Don't worry Phillies fans, we all know Kyle is a Philly guy.

Photo Credit: Terence Lewis/Icon Sportswire

With that background now fresh in our minds, a few days ago Todd Zolecki of MLB.com wrote that Schwarber is the Phillies priority, but the two were still "far apart." Now today, Ken Rosenthal of The Athletic reports that the Reds are "serious about signing free-agent Kyle Schwarber." Well, no crap, at this point if the Reds could carry Kyle's love child they would. Rosenthal also reported that Kyle is "interested in a possible home coming" to the Redstockings...nasty. Absolutely nauseating. The good news is everyone knows the Phillies have much deeper pockets than Cincy. Other potential suiters are the Red Sox, Mets, Cubs, Padres, Pirates, Orioles, Giants and the reigning AL champion Blue Jays.

Kyle is a God here and if he wants to return home, he knows exactly where it is- Citizens Bank Park. I have no doubt Dombrowski will get it done, it's just going to be a matter of how much it'll take.